Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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