I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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