After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
