You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
