Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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