the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
