how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
