oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
North Korea, Best Korea!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
