Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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