She is in my trunk
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
