Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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