I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i now understand why vodka
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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