I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
