these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just had sex bonerless
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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