I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
