Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
