Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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