I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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