as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
