my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This house was built for laser tag.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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