Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
