hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
