No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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