it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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