1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
