i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
