So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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