I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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