Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
