It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
