I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
