I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
