spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
