Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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