12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
