Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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