I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
