I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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