It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
