The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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