i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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