It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
