I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize