Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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