In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
