I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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