i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
