He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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