oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
