Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
