Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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