wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
