It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
