Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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