i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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