My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Two words: blizzard sex
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
