he wants to bone in the snuggie
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
