Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
please don't ironically join a cult
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