please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
