It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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