No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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