Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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