I just pynch a tree in the face
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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