I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
