So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
