i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
accomplished twins. life is a go
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
