How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
