My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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