dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
