i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
