the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
