he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
