at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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