you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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