I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
