i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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