you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
