I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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